The PARIS JACKSON 911 call hit the web yesterday.  It was made by the Lost Hills Sheriff's Department to the L.A. County Fire Department.

The caller said Paris, quote, "OD'd on 20 Motrin and cut her arm with a kitchen knife."  She didn't mention her by name, though.  She added that Paris was, quote, "awake and breathing."  (You can listen here.)

(Meanwhile, RadarOnline.com says Paris no longer wants any part in the wrongful death lawsuit against her dad's concert promoters.  You can read more about that here.)

With just one study, I think we can explain every single thing you've observed in your marriage . . . and all your friends' marriages too.

This is a video you HAVE TO see:  Former NFL star CHAD JOHNSON . . . a.k.a. Chad Ochocinco . . . got arrested IN COURT because he slapped his attorney's backside.

Chad was in a Florida courtroom finalizing a plea agreement for a probation violation . . . and sources say it was a pretty sweet deal for him.  But he messed it up royally.

The judge asked him if he was happy with his attorney, and he said yes.  Then she agreed with him and started praising his lawyer, so Chad thought it would be cool to give the guy a congratulatory pat on the ass. 

Everyone in the courtroom laughed, which made things even worse.  The judge FLIPPED.  She said, quote, "I don't know that you're taking this whole thing seriously . . . is there something funny about what's going on here today?"

Then she REFUSED to accept the deal.  Instead, she ordered Chad to be CUFFED and taken to jail for 30 days.  (Here's video.)

Oh, and here's an interesting twist on this story:  This judge who "saw" the butt-pat is LEGALLY BLIND.  (You can read more about that here.)

(Chad was originally on probation for a domestic violence charge from back when he was still together with "Basketball Wives" minx Evelyn Lozada.)

A Guy Found His Stolen Car Because the Thief Parked It So Badly, Someone Posted a Photo on Facebook

Over the years, there have surely been a TON of people who would've loved to have THROWN EGGS at SIMON COWELL on live TV.  It seems like an impossible dream . . . but it happened over the weekend.

It went down on Saturday during the live finale of "Britain's Got Talent".  Simon and the other judges were watching a performance by two Welsh opera singers named Richard and Adam Johnson.

They were singing "The Impossible Dream" . . . appropriately.

Toward the end of the song, a woman rushed up from the back of the stage and started hurling eggs at Simon.  Security immediately rushed in to carry her away . . . and the performance went on as if nothing had happened.

Although it looks like Simon DID get hit, because he takes off his jacket after the song is over.

The woman turned out to be a 30-year-old named Natalie Holt, who was already onstage playing the viola with a backing orchestra at the time.

Natalie was a contestant on the show last year, and didn't make it through the auditions.  She also told a British newspaper, quote, "I basically took a stand against people [lip-synching] on TV and against Simon and his dreadful influence on the music industry."

But she IS sorry.  She said, quote, "I want to apologize to Richard and Adam for overshadowing their performance.  I've never done anything like this before, and in hindsight I have realized it was a silly thing to do."

Simon Tweeted, quote, "I really don't like eggs . . . I don't think eggs should be allowed on talent shows.  Discuss?"  He added, quote, "Bloody hell!  Just watched the Adam and Richard performance back.  They didn't miss a note."

For what it's worth, the opera singers finished THIRD during the finale.

(There's video on YouTube.  The egg-throwing woman rushes up front at the 1:50 mark.)

The website MediaTakeOut.com . . . which is EXTREMELY UNRELIABLE . . . says KANYE WEST may have dumped KIM KARDASHIAN. 

Supposedly, their lifestyles are incompatible because he can't stand the cameras being on him all the time . . . and that's basically what Kim is all about.

A so-called "insider" says Kanye bolted L.A. after Kim's baby shower . . . quote, "Kanye is now in Hawaii, I think he's working on music.  But I also think it's over for him and Kim."

(But maybe Kim is getting tired of all the cameras, too.  Yesterday she lashed out at the paparazzi on Twitter, after they allegedly THREATENED her.  You can read more about that here.)

The local ABC TV station in Providence, Rhode Island was interviewing a woman (clickhere) named Melissa Lawrence, whose daughter was shot and killed at a graduation party.  The news team asked Lawrence what she thought of the 16-year-old suspect turning himself in, and she responded by ATTACKING the news crew and throwing rocks at them.

MICHAEL JACKSON'S 15-year-old daughter PARIS was rushed to the hospital early yesterday morning after a suicide attempt.

According to various reports, Paris took about 20 Motrin and cut one of her wrists with a kitchen knife.  She also left a suicide note, but the contents haven't been revealed.

According to one report, Paris realized she'd made a mistake almost immediately and, quote, "cried for help" . . . which saved her life.

Police responded to a 911 call at about 1:30 in the morning.  Paris was taken to a nearby hospital and placed on a 72-hour mental health hold.

Sources say Paris had a fit Tuesday night when she was told she couldn't go see a MARILYN MANSON show on a school night.  (Manson and ALICE COOPER are playing in L.A. TONIGHT.)

But there's a lot more going on than that, obviously.  For starters, sources say Paris is still depressed over her father's death.  And a statement from the attorney for Paris' grandmother, KATHERINE JACKSON, bears that out.

The lawyer said, quote, "Paris is physically fine and is getting appropriate medical attention.  Being a sensitive 15 year old is difficult no matter who you are.  It is especially difficult when you lose the person closest to you."

What's making matters worse is that she's supposed to testify in the wrongful death trial her family launched against Michael's concert promoters.

A source says, quote, "She's just a wreck.  She was getting more and more emotional about having to take the stand as the day gets closer.  This is a plea for help.  She is broken."